Alpha Mail: can she handle the truth?

CS wonders if he should tell a moderate chunker the real reason he's not interested in her:

Much respect to you for your recent posts in response to NK Jesmin, the nauseatingly maudlin Shattersnipe and the portly, uberreactive atheist. Recently, its starting to seem like the entire brigade of fatuous leftist ideologues is surpassing peak shriek in that their inane emoting in response to equality blasphemers like you is becoming more widely perceived as pathetic and tiresome rather than alarming.

You holding firm to the truth, no matter how offensive, got me thinking: I just went out on a date with a girl and, long story short, the only real flaw with her is that she is too heavy (not fat fat but needed to drop 10-15 lbs). We have communicated enough that I'll actually have to provide an explicit reason why I don't want to go out again. The only honest answer I could give is that she is too heavy.

Do I tell her this (even if gently hinted at in euphemistic language)? I know doing something like this sounds completely socially retarded (a couple friends have told me as much) but think about it; if I tell her "we just want different things", "we live too far apart", "I'm seeing someone else" or some other bs, her hamster will be fueled by one of these excuses and she'll fail to confront the real problem which has lead to her being rejected by me and likely any other man with at least a modicum of SMV. Plus, any other excuse I give is a lie. If I tell her the truth she'll likely cry and be upset but at least she can confront her real problem. What do you suggest?

I suggest that this is an excellent application for the Golden Rule.  It's not your responsibility to fix her.  It's not your job to convince her to stop needlessly stuffing her face.  All of us who could stand to lose a few pounds, (and I could stand to cut about five myself), know perfectly well that we're carrying extra weight and what we need to do to get rid of it.  It's just a matter of willpower and lifestyle modification.

Most men have been rejected by women before.  So, do you appreciate the truth or do you prefer the white lie?  If you'd rather have a woman tell you that the reason she isn't interested in seeing you again is that you're too short, or too poor, or too laddish, then be straightforward with her.  That sort of honesty is appropriate for an individual of your straightforward nature and she will likely expect it from you.

If, on the other hand, you tend to prefer the face-saving deception, then that is the tactic you should take. But don't insult her intelligence; if you're going this route the decent thing to do is to make it credible and give her hamster something with which to work.  The one thing to avoid doing is to tell a lame white lie, which only compounds the rejection with an insult.

Alpha Mail , Communication

Alpha Mail: IQ has its downsides

For a smart guy, it has taken AB an awfully long time to realize that mere intelligence is no guarantee of anything:

What would you recommend for a high-IQ person who seems to have no ambition or ability to get things done?  Do you know of a resource for smart people with self-discipline problems?  Now the wordy background, in case it helps: I'm a [forty-something] programmer and [retail shop] owner, and have been broke or nearly so most of my life, because I always seem to make just almost enough money to get by.

I was tested at an 8th-grade level going into kindergarten, and at a 160 IQ when I was 13.  I'm not a savant in any particular area.  Though math was my best and favorite subject, I got all A's in everything (when I wanted to) and my ACT scores were 32+ on all subjects.

I don't think I'm lazy exactly, because I'll work hard on a killer sudoku or building something in my back yard when I'm into it.  I tested positive for ADD a few years ago, but the medication seemed to make no difference except reduce my need for naps, so I gave that up.

The problem comes when I have a job to do: if I don't absolutely have to do it right now and will be totally screwed if I don't, I put it off.  I try to make lists, leave myself notes, give myself pep talks, but nothing helps much.  When the creditors are knocking and I need the money to keep from going to court, then I sit myself down and tear through a job to get paid, and feel stupid that I didn't do it much sooner.  So I *can* do the work, and I'm fortunate that I'm smart enough to do it fast, but it's still a miserable way to get by.  Ten billable hours a week would cover my living costs, but I don't manage that most of the time.

It started in school, when I could do the homework during class while all the other kids were still learning the lesson, or in a pinch I could knock out a 3-week essay on the bus in the way in.  Then it got worse, to where I'd turn stuff in late and use the extra credit to get back up to an A.  In real life, the consequences are worse, of course.

As best I can figure from bouncing ideas off a counselor, the problem is that I hate having to do anything on anyone else's terms, and when it came to mental work, I've never had to.  Terminal stubbornness, basically, and having no self-discipline.  I'll spend an hour writing and polishing a comment for someone else's blog, but when I think about spending an hour working on a job that's over deadline, I get tired and start rationalizing a nap.  Even with my own projects, I get started well, but I think I start to balk when I reach the point where I'd be going live soon, because then I'll be obligated to support it.

Sorry to go on so long, but as you can probably tell, I've been struggling with this for a long time, and I hate wasting my God-given brains this way (and giving smart people a bad name).  If you have any suggestions, I appreciate them, and also your time in reading this.

High intelligence, superlative athleticism, and great beauty come with the same handicap; the expectation that the mere possession of it is sufficient to merit the high regard of others and material success.  My recommendation is that AB belatedly get over his intelligence, realize that no one but him actually gives a damn about it, and focus on developing his self-discipline so he has the wherewithal to pay attention to a task longer than the average male kindergartener with ADD.

Some very smart people don't seem to realize that talking about their intelligence is no more intrinsically interesting to normal people than listening to strong people talking about how strong they are or pretty people talking about how pretty they are to them.  Nor do they realize that their obsession with one facet of their lives tends to render them rather low in the socio-sexual hierarchy. There is a reason, after all, that Roissy subtracted a point for IQ over 120 in rating male attractiveness.

The chief problem here isn't a lack of focus per se, but rather that intelligent people can rationalize practically anything, no matter how stupid or self-destructive it is. 

If AB really wants to change his life, then I recommend first getting involved in an activity where intelligence doesn't help much, if at all.  Full contact martial arts is a great way of truly understanding the irrelevance of intelligence versus hard work.  Weightlifting is also good; the iron doesn't care and you can't persuade it off the bar.  He doesn't need to develop a work ethic, but rather, a work habit.

The second thing is to learn to start completing tasks.  Pick a small, reasonable goal and do not permit any divergence from it until it is accomplished.  Then pick a larger one, and do it again.  There is a sort of decision paralysis that tends to afflict the highly intelligent; the more options one can see, the harder it can be to choose between them.  But in this case, the perfect is not only the enemy of the good, it is the enemy of accomplishing anything.

The third thing is to get over the fear of failure.  The intelligent often pre-rationalize their failures by refusing to throw themselves sufficiently into their projects and responsibilities.  But this is simple self-sabotage and an exercise in repeated frustration.

AB is starting late.  These are lessons he should have learned by his mid-twenties.  But in such cases, better late than never.  The prime objective is to avoid getting trapped into the high-IQ gamma mindset, in which everything happens to the gamma for reasons beyond his control and nothing is ever his fault.

Alpha Mail , Gamma

Alpha Mail: Women Ruin Everything: Cosplay edition

The scales are gradually falling from JD's eyes:

I've been really enjoying AG and VP, although in different ways. While reading VP I find myself nodding and saying "Yes, that's what I always thought!" While reading AG I find myself feeling a growing sense of horror at the thorough and complete incorrectness of everything I'd been taught. I believe the truth of your assertions are self evident once one is aware of them and contrasts them with PC assertions and evaluates which better explains reality. I think you're doing a valuable service for people who haven't heard any other view point.

Anyway, I ran across an article that, using my newly scaleless eyes to evaluate from a new perspective, I found interesting. The woman attends sci-fi cons and dresses up in attractive sci fi costumes, then is upset when (a) other women criticize her appearance (b) men compliment her on her appearance. It's the women's snide criticism that really gets to her, so naturally, most of the article is devoted to bashing the male privilege culture at conventions.

Well, naturally.  Because it must be the men's fault that they don't do a better job of protecting her from hearing judgmental and offensive comments about the shortness of her skirt from the obese shoggoths of the sort that can be seen in the background who resent being reminded of what actual human women look like.

SF/F is escapist literature that possesses particular appeal to those with a lot from which to escape.  There is nothing wrong with that, but combined with feminist dogma, the white-knighting gamma males that inordinately attend these conventions, and the aforementioned shoggoths, it's a recipe for the sort of hilarious Red on Red attacks that result in these sorts of articles and left-liberal authors being castigated for Insufficient Kowtowing to one or another sacred cows.

I've attended one convention in my life, and I have never seen a bigger or sadder collection of fatties and freaks anywhere.  The bizarre thing was that for all of their supposed devotion to inclusion, they were also snarkier, more sensitive, and more judgmental about each other than the gay men working out in the gym at the Northwest Target Center.  There was one post-op transsexual there who looked like a lumberjack hippie and all the shoggoths were glaring pure poison at "her" because "she" was using the women's bathrooms.  I'm not all surprised to hear that the entire scene has devolved into a morass of competitive offense-taking.

UPDATE: So far, the registration requirement has prevented 221 Anonymous spam comments from getting through.

Alpha Mail , Gamma , Women Ruin Everything

Alpha Mail: becoming a better man

A foreign reader asks how he can improve himself as a man, a Christian, and a member of Western civilization:

I'm a regular reader of your blogs and also have read some of your books (and must say, I haven't read such good SF in a long time). I'm a 19 year old and I just got in college, where I'm studying eletrical engineering and have a sort-of relationship with one girl in another country, I go to the gym, and reading not only your books and blog, but others in this corner of the internet I realized how wrong was my belief in the nonexistence of God, so I'm making my way back to christianity. I was some time ago what I would describe as a lower beta, but since the I made some improvements.

I'm still kind of shy, being really an introvert, and altought I know I should overcome it by talking more, I just can't have a good conversation with any of the people my age, as almost all of them are just brainwashed liberals, so all conversations end with them saying something really stupid, me agreeing and then politely excusing myself and going somewhere else. Not only that I don't have the drive to go to places, visit other countries (maybe because I've already done that in my childhood), but, at the same time, I don't think only sitting at home reading books and going to gym is going to make me a better man.

So, what I want to ask you is this: what should a 19 year old like me do to become a better man, a better christian, and and to help restoring western civilization and it's people?

Gym is good. Reading is good. But what is missing from your description is interaction with others and service to them.  I sense a little fear in your description of your mediocre conversations; why are you agreeing with really stupid things?  Since you are a Christian, remember that you are not given a spirit of fear, but a spirit of boldness. You cannot become a better man by compromising with lies and foolishness out of fear.

So, that's the first step I would prescribe for you. The next time someone says something really stupid, don't agree with them, but politely explain to them why they are incorrect.  Don't be disagreeable; sometimes it is okay to simply smile and hold your tongue. But do not ever falsely agree with something.

I'd also look for an opportunity to volunteer somewhere. As an introvert, you need a reason to get you out of the house, so find one that will allow you to help others in some manner.

The ancient Greeks believed in strength in body, mind, and soul.  With the gym and with your books, you're already addressing the first two. But now you need to address the latter too.  And always pray to God for guidance. He will provide it, even if it is to places you had never imagined going.

Alpha Mail , Christianity

Alpha Mail: quick hits

Grace asks for marital advice:

These posts are great- but do you have any advice for women who have husbands who refuse to have sex? In my case I am not a supermodel but an not overweight/blatantly unattractive and I exercise, wear makeup, dresses etc. My husband looks at a lot of porn and even pays significantly for porn sites monthly. He goes months without having sex and refuses to talk to me about it. I don't believe in divorce but don't know what to do. Do you have any suggestions?

Wrong blog.  Go to Athol Kay's place, which is on the right sidebar.  I really don't spend a great deal of time thinking about how to seduce and otherwise turn on men.  My take is that if a man isn't interested in sex with a woman who isn't fat or unattractive, she is probably either boring in bed or bossy.  As for the porn, I note that it is an effective way of circumnavigating the female use of sex as a relationship control device without walking out.

A contemplates scientific fairy stories aka evolutionary stable strategies:

This is just an odd theory of mine, and I should caveat that I don't believe in the merits of evolutionary psychology, but wouldn't an evolutionary psychologist suggest that it is a good thing for LTRs to have reduced sexual activity over the long haul?

I have no doubt that some evolutionary psychologist will suggest it now as an ex post facto explanation now that it has been observed, but as it happens, this is the reverse of what evolutionary psychologists previously suggested.  As, you will note, was mentioned in the article linked in the post.

Ioweenie wonders about the ideal way to communicate a willingness to engage in domestic violence:

My husband has never raised a hand to me, but he certainly has raised his voice. Having seen the escalation of his temper, and knowing he is by design far stronger and far more willful than I, I've understood not to push. How do men here believe this cautionary line is most effectively drawn? 

By making it clear that women are not considered off limits and one is perfectly willing to defend oneself by "hitting a girl" if the situation requires it.  Since I began my martial arts training, I have made it clear to everyone, of both sexes, that while I will not start a fight, I will finish it.  Unsurprisingly, (outside of three general brawls), I've never had to hit anyone outside the dojo although I remain perfectly capable of doing so.  With men, as with nations, it is the peaceful who are prepared for violence who are the least likely to be forced into it.

Desert Cat wonders if women can surmount the Female Imperative:

I wonder if it is possible for any woman, however "red-pill" to ever fully escape the gravitational field of the Feminine Imperative. 

They can, but they will always do so in a rational manner.  Emotionally, they will not because they cannot.  That is why even a woman who fully assents to the civilizational agenda can find herself unconsciously reacting in a manner consistent with the very Imperative she decries.  Female reason can, and often does, trump female emotion, but it is a constant struggle that is more difficult for some women than others.  In general, the more emotional the woman, the harder it will be for her to escape the aforementioned gravitational field.

Alpha Mail

No more Anonymous comments

As legitimate blog traffic has increased at Alpha Game, so has the spam.  Nearly all of it is posted as Anonymous; in the last two days I had to delete 163 Anonymous spam comments, 37 of which made it past Blogger's spam-trapping.  Because it is a waste of time reading each Anonymous comment to determine if it is spam or not, from now on, I am going to delete all Anonymous comments as spam.

This means typing your name in the comment will not avoid deletion. Note that being deleted as spam may have the result of making it harder for you to comment here and elsewhere as Blogger may blacklist your IP address.  This doesn't mean you have to register with any of the various options, but as a minimum, you will have to use a Name in the Name/URL when posting comments in the future.

Alpha Mail

Alpha Mail: Obamacare and the Female Imperative

Jill is being devoured by the rage monster:

The reason why men will have such hikes in their insurance costs is that there is to be no disparity between what men and women pay. Women, on average, pay a lot more for (individual) health insurance. They pay more because they go to the doctor more often. They are the ones who are more likely to take their kids to the doctor for head colds. They, to a much higher degree than men, have been manipulated into "preventative" healthcare (and this doesn't even get into maternity care and well-baby visits). So they cost the system more. Men will simply be subsidizing their more frequent use of medical care. Men work the most dangerous jobs and die younger, on average, than women do, but they don't tend to go to the doctor for preventative care.

Why should men have to do that? Good question, but a little late to be asking that. Obamacare was foisted on all of us, both men and women, whether we want it or like it. Some would say we should get as much out of the system as we can, but I, personally, would rather not. Really, how is it going to help me to take prescription meds? I have so much rage at this issue already that when you bring up the "female imperative" the rage monster just eats me up inside. I don't want Obamacare any more than you do.

I have to confess, I'm not clear concerning towards whom Jill's rage is directed.  Is it the fault of any one individual woman that the Obama administration sees political benefit in serving the Female Imperative?  Of course not.  Are there women who oppose Obamacare despite the fact that estimates indicate that they will personally benefit from it?  I assume there are hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of them.

But this doesn't preclude understanding the political realities that are driving this latest government intrusion upon the tattered remnants of American liberties.  Nor does it change the fact that one of the primary problems in resisting the growth of government is the refusal of many women - not all, to be sure - to oppose policies such as no-fault divorce, VAWA, and domestic abuse-related laws on the grounds that they might one day personally benefit from the enshrinement of the Female Imperative into law.

Alpha Mail , Female Imperative